


Of Blood Ties and Dashed Dreams

by NicePumpkinSpice



Series: Of Sweet Memories and Guarded Moments [67]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 16:26:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5382038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicePumpkinSpice/pseuds/NicePumpkinSpice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just when things should be coming together for them, a single letter changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Blood Ties and Dashed Dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mrsblonde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrsblonde/gifts).



_Unrealistic expectations ... the theme of my life,_ Evelyn mused as she wiped off her makeup and let down her hair. Charter had been able to locate her brother Colton, and in her excitement of finding family Evelyn had never really considered how she would react if their meeting didn’t live up to what she had imagined it would be. Folding her wash rag neatly after wringing it out, Evelyn replayed their reunion in her head.

It wasn’t as if it had gone _badly_. There were no harsh words or icy condemnations like there had been from her mother. It had just been well... _awkward_. Other than shared parentage and a few similar physical traits, Colton and Evelyn had little in common. After warm hugs in greeting, their meeting had turned into long silences and lip biting as they searched for conversation topics. In the end, Cullen and Colton had more to discuss - reliving moments in their templar training and talking combat tactics while Evelyn sat uneasily trying to think of something witty or pertinent to share.

Cullen saw her upset and put his arms about her waist. “It takes time to build a relationship, Ev. You’ll get there,” Cullen encouraged. Evelyn sighed. She wasn’t even sure if it was worth the effort. She’d gone this long without a family, and the few times she’d been with them had been painful or uncomfortable. Maybe there were some emotional walls better left standing.

It was with that background that Evelyn stood on the battlements outside Cullen’s office as her entire world collapsed around her. Cullen had given her a letter he’d received from Kirkwall. His face had been an inscrutable mask when he handed it to her saying merely, “There’s something you need to know,” before giving her the parchment and waiting silently as she read it with shaking hands and a knotted stomach. Cullen had a son - a little more than a year old and by the barmaid with whom he had a long term “friends with benefits” relationship. Now that barmaid, Norah, was asking to come to Skyhold. She wanted Cullen to be a part of their son’s life.

“I had no idea,” he’d finally said when Evelyn looked at him with confusion as she struggled to breathe. “I can tell her that it isn’t a good idea,” he offered.

Evelyn shook her head vigorously. She wouldn’t be a party to keeping a child from its father. “No,” she’d managed to choke out. 

If Evelyn had been less of a perfectionist or had fewer hang ups about the idea of starting a family, she might have been able to better adapt to the news, but she saw it as a sign. Her hesitance about one day becoming a mother had a reason. Her relationship with Cullen wasn’t meant to be. He wanted a family, and there was another woman who had already given that to him. One that wasn’t a conflicted, neurotic mess. One that was sure enough about motherhood that she had kept the child when there were numerous potions that could have ended the pregnancy or willing arms that would have adopted him once he was born. One who had a longer history with Cullen than she did. 

Doing what she felt in her heart was right, Evelyn removed his grandmother’s ring from her finger and placed it in his hand. “Try to make it work with her. Be a father to him,” she’d said before turning away and nearly running to distance herself from Cullen and the hurt.

Cullen hadn’t expected her reaction. He thought she might lash out verbally or scour the entirety of Skyhold, but he never imagined she would end things. _Surely she’ll come to her senses,_ he thought in disbelief as he stared at the ring in his hand. But she didn’t ... weeks then months passed, and Cullen’s every effort to breach the walls Evelyn built about herself failed. Their friends tried to reason with her. His parents and sisters wrote letters. Even Bella the dog tried to reunite them, grabbing Evelyn’s skirts and dragging her toward Cullen, but his Ev was gone - replaced by a woman with cool professional indifference and hurt-filled eyes.

Norah and her son arrived at Skyhold three months after she’d sent Cullen the letter. In that time, Cullen had fruitlessly tried to patch things up with Evelyn. When that failed, he had thrown himself into work and denial. Cullen secretly hoped that the boy wasn’t his. Norah wasn’t exactly chaste after all. Surely someone else could be the father. One glance at the toddler’s curly blond hair and honey brown eyes as he peered at Cullen inquisitively from his mother’s arms ended that notion. There was no doubt. The child was his.

Norah looked plaintively at Cullen as she encouraged the little boy who she’d named Graham to meet his father. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I wasn’t sure how you’d react. We never made any promises to each other. I didn’t want you to feel obligated, and I wasn’t sure what to say... Then the Seeker came, and you were gone.”

Cullen stared at the child in her arms who smiled and then held a ragged teddy bear out to him. “Lubby,” the boy announced.

Norah gave a brief chuckle. “That’s his bear ... _Lubby_. I think he wants you to have him.”

Cullen reached out to take the bear, but instead his son leaned forward with his arms extended. Cullen took the boy and the bear in his arms as he let out a halting breath, and then kissed the top of Graham’s head before saying, “That’s a fine bear, son.”

Evelyn stood on Vivienne’s balcony watching the reunion in Skyhold’s courtyard. She had mentally been preparing herself for this day for months, but seeing it play out firsthand was almost more than she could bear. The mark blazed in her palm, and she made a tight fist to control the magic and deaden the pain. _It’s better this way,_ she thought as tears that she’d held in for months flowed down her face. Brushing them off, she turned away and distracted herself by straightening the books Vivienne had left behind when she returned to Val Royeaux. _It will hurt less if you stay busy._

Evelyn wanted to hate Norah, but she found that she couldn’t after getting to know her. Norah had an easy laugh, a wry wit, and a remarkable ability to remember people’s orders and preferences. Cabot had hired her to work at the Rest almost immediately after she came to Skyhold, and she’d quickly become a favorite of the patrons. Evelyn had initially tried to avoid her and the tavern entirely, but Krem, Iron Bull, and Sera were stubborn about leaving their favorite haunt, so she’d had to face Norah to see her friends. In time, Evelyn actually began to count Norah among her friends although her heart wrenched when Cullen would sometimes show up with Graham to visit his mother during a shift.

Just as Evelyn expected he would be, Cullen proved a wonderful father - doting on Graham and patiently teaching him. She would often see Cullen in his off hours wrestling with his son, reading him a book, or encouraging him to throw a ball for Bella. Outside of brief exchanges in the tavern, Evelyn noticed that Norah and Cullen were rarely together. _Not my business anyway,_ she told herself as she stole a glance at her Commander across the war table. With the exception of Inquisition related matters, they hardly ever spoke. Evelyn had made sure of that by rebuffing his every effort to smooth things over between them. She had to protect herself, and the only way she could do that was by keeping her distance.

Except her efforts to push Cullen out of her mind and heart failed spectacularly. Over a year had passed after she’d ended things between them, but she loved him as much if not more although she doubted whether he felt anything for her. Seeing him daily was sweet agony, and the news that Leliana had called an Exalted Council to determine the future of the Inquisition hit Evelyn hard. If the Inquisition ended, she’d have no reason to be near him ... might never see him or his twisted smile again. Most of their friends had already left Skyhold- Cassandra to find other Seekers, Blackwall to search for redemption, Varric to rebuild Kirkwall, Dorian to change Tevinter ... If Cullen was gone too ... Evelyn blinked back tears as Cullen gave her a worried and befuddled look in return.

_He likely thinks I’m crazy... crying in the middle of Josie outlining etiquette for the council. Maker ... what a mess my life has become,_ Evelyn thought as she avoided his gaze and straightened her papers before polishing the unused war table markers that were in front of her. When the meeting ended, she’d nearly scurried out of the room when she felt Cullen’s hand on her shoulder. It had been ages since she felt his touch, and she shuddered in spite of her best efforts.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said gently. His voice was so kind, so honeyed that she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from betraying her emotions. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you. I know all the changes we’re facing can’t be easy for you. At one time, you gave me certainty in my life. If there’s any way, I could...” he stopped speaking briefly, and Evelyn wished she had the strength to turn around and see his face to better gauge his emotions. Cullen cleared his throat and continued, “I just want you to... I need you to know that if there’s anything I can do ... you have only to ask.”

Evelyn gasped and then nodded her understanding before squeaking out, “Thank you.” What she needed was him and what they had been to each other, but that was too much to ask and much more than she deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been ages since I've updated this fic, but with my other one finished, I have no excuse. Apologies for the angst explosion ... now you know why I've been holding back writing this one. It is always dark before the dawn.


End file.
